I've been on 100mg zoloft for 7 years. When I was 17 pretty much my entire life came crashing down on me. My grandpa, who was literally my hero and idol died unexpectedly, my girlfriend of 2 years left me (we're now engaged though), I had lost my license because of a speeding ticket and a traffic accident that wasnt my fault but I got the ticket because the cop believed the other guy instead of me. All the things I used to like doing, didnt give me any joy at all anymore. Im a scratch bowler, and I have been for years, bowled in HS and everything, and I didnt even give a shit about that anymore. I started getting strait D's in school, doing just enough to get by. Eventually, I even became slightly catatonic. Which is where you literally will not move whatsoever, and you literally cannot make yourself move. I was down to like 170 pounds (my normal weight at the time was like 230). I even remember wishing I was dead, but refusing to kill myself because in a way, it seemed like if I blew my head off it would just be letting everyone else win. Although, I suspect if I hadnt gotten help when I did, eventually I wouldve quit caring about letting everyone else win and done it anyway.
I finally went to my doctor and just told him, I dont care about anything, I dont even care if Im alive tomorrow, I need some help. He immediately perscribed me 50mg zoloft and almost admitted me to the hospital because he thought I was going to jump off a cliff or something. I assured him I wasnt going to kill myself. The first week or so of being on the zoloft was kinda weird. I kinda felt like I had "super concentration" powers. Like I could literally sit there and listen to every single thing a teacher said in class, or I could watch and retain an entire speech or something. Maybe it was because I was so out of it before, that I was just able to concentrate normally again... I dont know. I started to come out of the depression after several months, and was eventually bumped up to 100mg zoloft, and Ive been on it ever since. When I first started taking it, I had dizzy spells sometimes, but now I feel absolutely fine.
Once I got into college, I took just about every psychology course that was available because my battle with a mental illness got me interested in psychology. Now I can say that I really understand depression, and lots of other mental illnesses more than most people, but I still cant say I've completely beaten it. My life right now is great, and yours will be too if you just stick with it and dont give up. You dont have to think of yourself as some kind of fuckup that has to take pills to keep you from going crazy, its a completely normal thing and just about EVERYONE gets depressed at one time or another, some just get it worse than others.
Stay on your medication. If you dont, you can end up worse than before. If you want to get off them, ask your doctor how to do it, dont just try it yourself. I tried taking myself off zoloft one time because I thought I didnt need it anymore. I started getting withdrawl headaches and getting a short temper and stuff. I ended up just taking it again. Someday I'll get off the zoloft, but not right now.
If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me... one of the things I learned from the whole thing is just talking about whats on your mind can help immensely.
