Dude, did you get it figured out yet? That was unfair for everyone to slam you so hard like that. Everybody is new to this stuff at one point or another.
This site is usually a lot better than that, it was a bit embarrassing to read all that! Don't get a sour taste, this is the best Dakota site around.
One person did give you correct information. The oil pan is under and towards the rear of the engine, and the drain plug faces the rear of the truck.
I went outside (it was all wet from raining) and took a bunch of blind shots by sticking the camera under the truck and snapping pictures. I got ONE finally that showed the drain plug. Mine has a lot of shields and crap under there, makes it hard to directly see things.
This pic was taken from the passenger side, behind the front wheel.